I hate when I get so frustrated. Everything just goes wrong at once, and I try so hard to fight it. But the tears, they always come. I'm so scared of falling, cause once I do, it's fight after fight to get back up. It could take days, months, years even. I don't knoww if I have that kind of strength anymore. Please, don't let me fall.
I was always trying to make something happen in my life, but nothing much happened except all the drama I created around things not happening ..And you asked me if he was worth it, if this was worth it. I said, the thing is, The happiness that I feel when I'm with him is unlike any happiness I have ever experienced. But the sadness that consumes me during the long periods when the happiness is gone is unlike any sadness I've ever had, too. It is bottomless and makes me feel hopeless and sad and ugly. And I can't decide which one is more affecting, Can I live without the happiness, can I live with that sadness? I don't know...I don't know anything anymore...I know it makes sense for me and him to just break up now and just live our seperate lives and not have to worry about missing each other all the time. But when I think about that, I get sick. Physically sick. Like I seriously throw up. I need to be with him, even if I can't, like, be with him -
everyone wants someone who wants somebody else.
and cares for someone who couldn't care less about them.
people everyday and everywhere go through this vicious cycle.
of pleasing and teasing.
no one is truly content.
the heart hungers for love , but it's lust that keeps it pumping.
we get what we'd kill for.
and trade it in for something not even worth living .
some will never find what's real.
and others will settle for anything.
bitter looks and jealous stings supposedly make you stronger.
but eat away at your insides.
the weak forgive and forget.
the strong remember it every waking moment and apply it to the future.
the brain knows what it needs.
the human heart is a mystery.
I guess, if anything, it's about taking chances, even when you think you're all out of chances. It's about giving forgiveness and unconditional love, even when it seems like you should only do the opposite. It's about trusting that God puts people in your life at certain times so that you can capitalize on the opportunity. It's all about the possibility. It's all about what you do with those possibilities. Life is short, but it moves so fast. Hang on and enjoy the ride. And when someone comes along with whom you enjoy spending the ride with ... hold on tight...
I told them all the great things I know about you and there were a lot. I was up there for a while. I didn't tell them everything, though. I left out the complicated stuff, like how it took losing you forever for me to truly find you. And how finding you turned me into someone else entirely. That's not what they came for. People want to hear you were great. Not that were great, but also, sometimes, not so great. They want to know I miss you. Not that while I've been missing you, I've fallen for someone else. It's weird, though. I feel like the only one who would understand this is you. In a way, that makes sense. He was the one person you were yourself around. Of course he'd be that same person for me. Anyway, I left all that out and I kept it simple. I told them I loved you and that's the truth.
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